The Oregon Trail

First off, let me say that I love my in-laws. I really lucked out marrying into such a great family. That said, our post-Christmas trip to Eastern Oregon almost killed me, and I am not talking figuratively here, it almost literally killed me.

On Christmas night, a snowstorm blanketed much of Utah. At our house, we received about 8-inches of snow, painting a Norman Rockwell'ian' scene which invoked images of starting a fire, sipping hot-chocolate, and spending the next day bundled up inside playing with the Christmas presents you had just received. For us, it meant loading up the car and embarking on an 11-hr journey over roads like these:

I'll spare you the full recap, actually I won't, I had to suffer through this so you all will too. The first 2-1/2 hrs were spent driving to Tremonton. In Tremonton we learned that I-84, which had been closed at the Utah/Idaho border, had just reopened though it was sheer ice and you had to chain-up and have 4-wheel drive. In other words, you needed a vehicle like this:

We, however, had this:

I made an executive decision and skipped the ice-capades at I-84 and took I-15 up through Malad. Ahhh, Malad, Idaho, my father's birthplace. A place I dreaded visiting in the summer, let alone in the winter. Anyway, we continued up I-15 and made it to Pocatello and then took I-86 over to connect back up with I-84 near Burley. I-86 was terrible and we passed numerous cars, trucks, boats, planes, birds, cattle, cross-country skiers, tanks, snow-plows etc. that had slid off the road. Luckily we survived and got back on to I-84 and made it to Boise in a slick 8-hrs. I think you can seriously fly halfway around the world in that amount of time.

- After Boise, we had pretty good roads until about Ontario, Oregon. At that point, things got bad again. Many things were running through my head as I passed such geographical locals as: Farewell Bend, Dead-Man's Pass, You're Never Coming Back Alive, If You Don't Have 4-Wheel Drive, You're a Moron. After passing Baker, we were coming up on the last obstacle of our marathon: the dreaded Ladd Canyon. However, the roads in the canyon were really good and we pulled into our destination in a little over 11-hours. 11-hours, pretty much the the number of hours it took to take the Bar. Which as an aside, while studying for and taking the Bar I never got a headache. In fact, in my lifetime I had never experienced a headache before. I had gone through college, law school, an LDS mission, the bar, engagement, 3+ years of marriage, getting a cat, Afton's birth, post-Afton's birth without suffering a headache. However, the 11+ hours of driving produced a giant knot at the base of my head and a strange sensation/pain behind my right eye. I thought my ears had popped or something, but alas, it was a headache. Oh well.

- One of the ladies from Steel Magnolias once said, "that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger." Or at least I think it was from Steel Magnolias?? Anyway, I believe that which does not kill us makes us buy a 4-wheel drive SUV with studded snow tires. I know this goes against Heather's environmentalist ways, but I'll trade a few bamboo trees for never getting a headached again.

- (*All this said, I want it to be perfectly clear that I love my wife and my in-laws. I would also like to send a shout out to the Idaho, Utah, and Oregon road crews, the nice gas station attendant in Mountain Home, Idaho who was nice to me after she could tell I was about to start walking back home, and the fine people who invented Alleve.)